A vocation is all about love

One of the great blessings that I have received since ordination into the Permanent Diaconate nearly five years ago, has been the opportunity for my wife and me to work with young couples as they prepare for marriage. Ministering to these young people has given me the occasion to reflect on my own vocations. 

A vocation is all about love. It is a life of love in a concrete, particular form that comes from God. Each vocation begins with his love for us. In that love for you he is calling you to a particular form of life. How special then that the vocation to the permanent diaconate came from the vocation of marriage. For me, both vocations are inseparable and the discernment towards the Diaconate, and my ministry today, has been and continues to be a team effort. 

Discerning a vocation is part of the Christian life. It involves seeking and responding to the grace that God offers, aiming to conform more closely to Christ. Discerning a vocation means deepening your friendship with Christ and learning his will for you. In prayer, instead of asking, “Lord, what do you want me to do?” ask, “Lord, who do you want me to be?” Our actions follow who we are, and a vocation is about being rather than doing. 

Grace is given for actual, particular actions, not future contingents. God provides the grace to follow him now, even in small steps. That’s the way it was for me, small steps, sometimes backward, but always with my spouse, asking the will of God. When our modern ears hear the word “discern” we think of its modern definition to see, perceive, or distinguish; but in Latin discernere literally means to separate, set apart, or divide. Therefore, rather than simply discerning your vocation (seeking to know the answer), instead try exploring your vocation. When you explore something, you are active, not passive. When you explore something you don’t quite know what you are going to encounter; this is why we explore.  

A vocation is all about love. It is a life of love in a concrete, particular form that comes from God. Each vocation begins with his love for us. In that love for you he is calling you to a particular form of life. This love involves first his total gift of himself to you, and then in response your total gift of self to him. Christ our Lord tells us in the Gospel according to St. John, “You did not choose me, but I chose you.” His choice for you is what makes a vocation different from an occupation or a career. You can choose an occupation or a career for yourself, but a vocation is his choice for you and which he invites you to undertake for love of him. How natural it was for me to discern the Diaconate, following my vocation of marriage. 

I think the mind of the church, borne out in practice by many effective, happy deacons, is that they must integrate rather than compartmentalize the two vocations. The man is a deacon even when he’s at home with a sick child or celebrating an anniversary with his wife; he is a married man even when he’s proclaiming the Gospel at Mass. The Diaconate is not about overextending the married man. Instead, it brings about a new deepening of his life in Christ, empowering him to give more fully of himself to family, friends, co-workers, and parish, as part of a beautiful, integrated life—in docility and obedience to the Holy Spirit. 

The Diaconate is a graced summons for the woman, too, to cultivate her baptismal gifts in service of her family, the world, and in her own distinct way, the Church. My spouse and our marriage vocation is foundational to my ministry as a Deacon. My wife ministers alongside me, and sometimes independently. There are many times that she is approached by parishioners, sharing her special charisms, that work within my ministry and extend both our contributions to the Church and our community as a couple. My marriage became an integral part of the discernment process and my current ministry. Our families, most especially our spouse, know us better than anyone else on earth. Who better to honestly walk with us? We have found that in the vocation of the Diaconate, we have strengthened our first vocation to the married life. We are sharing our faith in ways we have never done before.