What does it mean to be pure in heart? How can I keep my children and myself pure?

In Jesus’ opening words of the Sermon on the Mount, we hear “Blessed are the pure (clean) of heart, for they shall see God” (Matt. 5:8). 

St. Irenaeus said of this verse: “Because of the greatness and inexpressible glory of God, it is true that ‘man shall not see me and live,’ for the Father cannot be grasped. But because of God’s love and goodness toward us and because God can do all things, he goes so far as to grant those who love him the privilege of seeing him” (CCC 1722). 

The Catechism of the Catholic Church goes on to say, “The beatitude we are promised confronts us with decisive moral choices. It invites us to purify our hearts of bad instincts and to seek the love of God above all else. It teaches us that true happiness is not found in riches or well-being, in human fame or power, or in any human achievement—however beneficial it may be... but in God alone, the source of every good and of all love (CCC 1723). 

“Desire for true happiness frees man from immoderate attachment to the goods of this world so that he can find his fulfillment in the vision and beatitude of God. (As St. Gregory of Nyssa said,) ‘The promise [of seeing God] surpasses all beatitude.’ ...It remains for the holy people to struggle, with grace from on high, to obtain the good things God promises. In order to possess and contemplate God, Christ’s faithful mortify their cravings and, with the grace of God, prevail over the seductions of pleasure and power” (CCC 2548-49). 

There you have descriptions of “purity of heart.” For the second question, I consulted a few mothers from parishes I served over the years whose personal lifestyle and child rearing habits I admire. The following paragraphs represent some of their comments and suggestions. 

One mother said, “It all lies in the close relationship we parents have with our children. The dad’s relationship with his children should reflect the loving, kind relationship of our Heavenly Father, and the mom’s relationship to reflect our Heavenly Mother’s sweet love she has for her children. Ultimately our children are a gift, and they really belong to God, so we discern how God wants us to love our children well. When children experience true authentic love, they’re not going to try to fill their hearts with a shallow means of a false love. I think sometimes people equate kindness with being pushover permissive parents. But true kindness has reasonable expectations and healthy boundaries, while being compassionate at the same time.” 

From a daughter: “I have many memories of spending time with Grandma and Grandpa and being part of their prayer life... Experiencing their faith was definitely the foundation of mine. Mass on Sundays and holy days was a priority; everything else came second. Participation in church functions and the life of the church was also priority. We were not allowed very much screen time, and video games were not allowed. I really feel like that limited exposure to (secular) media garbage played a huge part in keeping us pure at heart.” 

Her mother, who also lived near Grandma, wrote: “We instilled early on that the parents were in control, and they were the ones who made the ultimate decision on something. We also put high standard to do what is right even when no one is looking or might notice, because God always sees what we are doing, and showing them that treating people right is so important. We always had our kids involved with church activities like bible school, camps and especially Search retreats.” 

From my own perspective, raised by good, faithful and loving parents, I can attest we were shown purity of heart through their diligent work, regular church attendance, and common-sense discipline. We were exposed to more library books and less television.  

We adults and our children now live in a world of much more exposure to visual media—good and bad—along with the risk of destructive influences such as pornography. On the other hand, we have many wholesome and positive materials available, through Catholic outlets such as Ignatius Press, Our Sunday Visitor, and parish or personal subscriptions to Formed.org. Let’s make more use of those at home, for the good of ourselves and our families. “Covenant Eyes” is a wonderful resource available through computer download and phone app, to help us gain victory in our struggles with pornography. 

Our loving God is here to help us with the ever-present gift of the Holy Spirit to guide our steps along the way of purity and holiness. “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.”