Deceased relatives and saints breathe life to those on earth

In January 2022, I met my now husband Sam. Within two and half months, I was convinced he was the one. But it wasn’t the fun and the butterflies in my stomach that convinced me. It was in the midst of tragedy that I knew I wanted to be with Sam for better or for worse. 

In March, Sam flew to Spokane, Wash. to be with his father, Pete, before and during a triple by-pass surgery. While he accompanied his father, I went about my usual week in Fargo, praying for them both. 

Unfortunately, Pete had a stroke shortly after the surgery and passed away a few days later. Those days were an emotional ride. I so wanted to meet Pete in person and felt cheated that I couldn’t. I was grateful that Sam was able to see him before the surgery. Sam was very sweet during this time, consoling me in my attempts to console him over the phone. 

It was during these conversations when I first hoped to marry him. He told me a story about when his dad’s level of communication was to squeeze once for yes and twice for no, even though they weren’t sure if he could understand them. But when Sam mused out-loud if he should call me, Pete squeezed once for an emphatic yes. I didn’t want to read too much into it, but I hoped this single yes went deeper. I had met Pete briefly once via zoom, but I hoped it was enough that he might hope I’d be his daughter-in-law someday. I prayed that if I wasn’t to meet Pete in person, that God would show me Pete’s approval. It was a strange prayer because I had no concept of how God could possibly answer it. 

Sometimes God has us wait for years before answering our prayers, but this time, he answered my prayer that evening, when I dreamed I was in the hospital room with Pete. It was just the two of us, and while Pete was clearly at the end of his life, he was smiling and radiant as if he was already one step in heaven. Then he squeezed my hand once to say “yes.” I was truly assured in that moment that not only did Pete love me and wanted me to marry his son, but that God would soon welcome him to heaven. 

The summer prior to this incident, my godfather, Loren, passed away. Several weeks after he died, while I prayed for the repose of his soul, I thought: “Loren, when you get to heaven, can you let Jesus know that I’m ready to meet my husband now? I’ve asked him, I’ve asked the saints, I’ve prayed lots of novenas. But you’re part of my family, and maybe if you ask him, that will convince him.” 

Sam moved to Fargo that same summer and while we didn’t meet until the winter, I think Loren too had his say in bringing Sam and me together. I now wonder to what extent those who’ve gone before us still breathe life in the world. How deeply do their prayers in heaven affect our lives?  

Shortly after Sam came back to Fargo, we talked about getting married. I was excited but also worried we were taking things too quickly. I hate to say it, but I wanted another sign. Every day, I felt this prodding from the Holy Spirit to pray for a rose. 

I’d heard of people asking for St. Therese’s intercession to receive a rose, usually for confirmation to take a certain direction in life. For example, I heard a story about a discouraged seminarian thinking about leaving seminary. He prayed for a rose as he was sitting in front of a statue of Mary when a religious sister placed a bouquet of roses in Mary’s arms. A friend of mine was considering switching colleges and prayed to receive a purple rose specifically. Shortly after, she ventured into a church basement, which was decorated for an event with purple roses at each table. 

I thought these stories were all very nice, but I’m skeptical. Because I didn’t need a yellow rose to verify whether or not I should marry Sam. Not receiving a yellow rose wasn’t going to stop me, especially since I already received a pretty powerful “yes.” But I couldn’t stop thinking about this novena and God’s invitation to pray it. It was as if he was saying, “I have a gift for you, but I want you to ask for it. It’s not just about receiving consolation you don’t need but about increasing your faith.” 

So I asked for a yellow rose. I prayed the novena to St. Therese, and I’m embarrassed to say that I was half-hearted about it. I was afraid of being let down. In hindsight, it’s very silly to be afraid of God’s invitation for a gift. He already said he had a gift for me, but I was still scared he might hold out on me. 

A few days after praying the novena, it was “administrative assistant’s appreciation day.” Every year, all the admin assistants at the Pastoral Center receive a bouquet of flowers. I forget about it every year until bouquets for all the assistants show up at the front desk. Each bouquet had a name on it. The one with my name was the only one with yellow roses. 

I don’t understand God’s goodness. One wouldn’t think goodness and suffering would go together but in my experience and the experience of others, I’ve learned that it is through suffering that God’s goodness shines most fully, assuming we have the courage and humility to call out to him.