Hearing God’s voice and a vocation

My call to the diaconate wasn’t an interior movement of the Holy Spirit or a revelation in front of the Blessed Sacrament, it was a simple statement from my wife, Annette. 

It went something like this: “ever thought about becoming a deacon?” My reply went something like this: “not really until now.” So began my call to the deaconate and the radical change and overhaul of my life. Little did I know that God was going to take a pile of rubble and build an altar of sacrifice to our Lord. 

Throughout formation, the one thing that I needed to learn was that I was called to serve not how I wanted to serve, but how our Lord Jesus Christ wanted me to serve. At first, I didn’t understand, mainly my pride was hindering me from understanding. Secondly, I couldn’t let go of my own will and let him mold my life into the vessel of honor that he could use for his glory. 

I remember after one weekend I told Annette that I didn’t think that this was a call for my life. In the gentle and loving way of Annette, much like a mother scolds a child, she told me that I was going to finish something in my life and this was it. Calling forth the most brilliant statement that I could think of at the time I said, “You can’t make me.” After making this most profound statement, I thought it sounded good in my head, Jesus was going to show me how the Holy Spirit was going to speak to me over the next four years. 

The Holy Spirit, speaking through Annette, in a clear and crisp voice, said, “I can’t but God can.” The Holy Spirit made it very clear to me that I was not going to make this journey alone. Not only was I going to need Christ’s strength and guidance, I also was going to need Annette’s strength and guidance. Unlike what I thought or even what Annette thought, we were in this together. Now in hindsight, I would have never made this walk without her. I know that this was the plan God had from the beginning. 

So much of the time in living out this vocation, I have forgotten what a gift a life of sacrifice and service truly is. I was once in confession at Maryvale complaining about my vocation and something I was struggling with when the priest said to me, “you really don’t understand the gift God has given you in this vocation.” At first, I didn’t understand but as I searched deeper within my soul, I began to understand. What our Lord showed me was not only did I get to serve the bishop and the priests; I also am a bridge between the laity and the church. What an honor to serve at the altar of our Lord and his flock! 

So much of the time, thinking I wasn’t making much of a difference, the idea that I was a glorified altar boy kept coming to mind. I was getting ready to get a reality check on this subject. The Lord was getting ready to let me know what his expectations were in his service. After Mass one Friday in Rugby, a third grader came up to me and said he was watching me during Mass. The reality of what that young man said to me was tremendous. We never know when or how the Holy Spirit is going to speak to us, but he does if we are listening and are sensitive to his movement. 

The Lord calls us all to live a life of holiness and of sacrifice, picking up our cross daily and following him. My life as a deacon is summed up in the words of St. Paul to the Galatians: “I have been crucified with Christ it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Gal. 2:19-20).  

St. Stephen pray for us.